"decided to burn some calories today, so i set a fat kid on fire" "That's because you had an "I <3 Megan" tshirt on..and no pants." "The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face." "A closed mouth gathers no feet" "I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat." "The tooth fairy teaches children it's OK to sell your body for money..." "Religion hinges upon faith, politics hinges upon who can tell the most convincing lies or maybe just shout the loudest, but science hinges upon whether its conclusions resemble what actually happens." "We're supposed to say these guns rock, but dude they suck..." - Jason Lock "Sure I'll take a picture, as long as we still have clothes on." - Bob Long "Sorry dude I can't, it's my Moms car." - Ollie Lang "...meanwhile we're in the back bunker smoking a fat blunt!" - Rich Telford "Get the fucking fuck out you son of a bitch!" - Zach Long "Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?" "I miss paintball, even with the surplus of douche." "they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!" "Yes, that was us. No, we don't want to talk about it." "Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"" "(408): booty call (925): i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy." "Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to." "Thinking English would be easier to spread globally if the words were easier to spell, Andrew Carnegie and a group of like-minded intellectuals created the Simplified Spelling Board in 1906. The board’s goal was to make English phonetic again, so words like "enough" would be spelled "enuf." President Teddy Roosevelt loved the concept, but Congress and the press ridiculed the idea. What a bunch of diks!" "Someone once said: I'm sorry, if I had more time this letter would have been shorter" "Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased" "Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won." "I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs." "OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made." "so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo" "just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies" "we're chasing vodka with high fives" "you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'" "Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex." "If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?" "I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday" "(215): i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me" (267): wow. (215): yeah, it was that bad." "(619): wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh (1-619): maybe you did when you were drunk (619): no way, i wasn't THAT drunk." "Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever." "Vivian Wheeler of Wood River, Illinois, holds the Guinness World Record for longest beard grown by a female. Vivian grew a full beard after the death of her mother in 1990. The longest strand from the follicle to the tip of hair was measured at 27.9 cm (11 in) in 2000. Vivian also holds the record for having a vagina that looks most like a penis." "Credit cards are a great last resort for essentials when cash is low. Like for rent, groceries, and lap dances." "Modern man drives a mortgaged car over a bond-financed highway on credit-card gas." "Your beer bong will now be like fine china, pulled out for special occasions only." "veisalgia - noun - The formal term for a hangover. Derived from the Norwegian word for "uneasiness following debauchery" (kveis) and the Greek word for "pain" (algia)." "Do I really have to graduate? Or can I just stay here for the rest of my life?" "Parents: if Mexico legalizes marijuana, your burnout kids will at least ace Spanish." "Marijuana is like Coors beer. If you could buy the damn stuff at a Georgia filling station, you'd decide you wouldn't want it." "What happens in Iran gets you killed in Iran." "When a jockey retires, he just becomes another little man." "In certain trying circumstances, urgent circumstances, desperate circumstances, profanity furnishes a relief denied even to prayer." - Mark Twain "I don’t drink as much as I use to could." "quit being a funt! ...a what? fucking cunt...it takes too long to type so i abreviate for your convenience" "This is the game of paintball... you shoot at them, they shoot back. You shoot them first, you win. Basic. Do it." "I sugest a giant march through a residental area cary your hookahs bring any thing that you can smoke that contains tobacoo.FLOOD THE STREETS WITH THE VAPORS OF TRUTH." "Autocockers: The Rube Goldberg machine of paintball" "Bring some sportsmanship and class back to paintball, no one cares how good you THINK you are." "Never forget... Paintball is a LUXURY sport." " Gotta catch 'em all! STDs! gonorrhea, i choose you GO GET 'EM, HIV! Herpes, fire attack! HIV IS EVOLVING CONGRATULATIONS! YOUR HIV HAS BECOME AIDS!" "......made out of FAILAIDS" "Fail is interneted out of made." "if (Tadao) ShootFast(); else ShootSlow();" "when god gives you lemons you FIND A NEW GOD!" "1. Have a dream. 2. Call it a vision. 3. Write it down 4. ??? 5. Prophet!" "then give it a cool name...like: "ClusterFuck" "My technique: 1) Pack bowl 2) Cover with foil 3) Toss into a bunker with a hand grenade. Works everytime." "i wood be be the red pill cuz then i haz hax n shit!" "is barack obama really black, or is he a dude whos playin a dude thats disguised as another dude?" "eating citrus helps you not die all the way" "Beauty is skin deep but ugly goes all the way to the bone." "Perhaps your experience with women is like mine with golf. Being a horrible golfer, I have a tough time getting anyone to join me on the links." "I've seen Hentai that's more believeable than scientology." "Every marker I own is rare. They all possess the unique ability to operate flawlessly until someone's watching, at which point they epically fail." "If that means having it laser engraved with a picture of your cat or claiming it was used by Jesus to win a tourney you do what you have to do...." "700 shipped...Possibly pending, member applying for loan..." "With great moustache comes great responsibility..." "my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests" " HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU TELL THAT I'M 13 BY LOOKING AT WHAT I'M WRITEING???????????????????????????" " what does your robot do, Sam? it collects data about the surrounding environment, then discards it and drives into walls" " YOU ALL SUCK DICK er. hi. A common typo. the keys are like right next to each other." " HEY EURAKARTE INSULT RETORT COUNTER-RETORT QUESTIONING OF SEXUAL PREFERENCE SUGGESTION TO SHUT THE FUCK UP NOTATION THAT YOU CREATE A VACUUM RIPOSTE ADDON RIPOSTE COUNTER-RIPOSTE COUNTER-COUNTER RIPOSTE NONSENSICAL STATEMENT INVOLVING PLANKTON RESPONSE TO RANDOM STATEMENT AND THREAT TO BAN OPPOSING SIDES WORDS OF PRAISE FOR FISHFOOD ACKNOWLEDGEMENT AND ACCEPTENCE OF TERMS" "HOLY FUCK, I WAS JUST BEIN A POWER OUTLET, LOOKING ALL GHOSTLY AND SHIT WHEN SOME NIGGER GOT FUCKING SCARED OF SOME SPIDER THAT WAS TRYING TO REFILL HIS HEALTH BAR AND HE SCARED THE FUCKING SPIDER AND ITS RUNNING AWAY FROM HIM!" "Contra: Hard on Easy, Fucking Hard on Medium, OH MY GOD WHAT THE HELL on Hard" "wish I could be a barrel so I could insert myself into that sexy, amazing thing you have created...oh man, the things I would do to it! I might even try the bolt hole..." "when the going gets wierd, the wierd go pro" "if you want to make an apple pie from scratch you must first invent the universe" "yo dawg i herd you like dale earnheart...so we crashed your car into a wall" "yes, i have seen an increase of about .75 meters since i started the penial gas therapy.....it seems to be working well, and my girlfriend is happier than ever. I highly recommend.." "The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is comprehensible." - Albert Einstein "Why dont we just cut out the middleman and kill babies with hammers." "Although some may find being injected with penis somewhat distasteful, some could find it more appealing than being injected with alternative treatments, which in some cases are made from toxic substances." "It's not about who kills the dragon it's about who brings home the princess" "icenoob48: aaron sounds like an ambitious guy.. FirePro84: and a douche icenoob48: an ambitious douche then" "I wouldn't be such a grammar nazi if you weren't such a grammar jew" "so I was looking at porn and had a boner, looks like that notion has been dashed tonight, thanks mcb so I was eating some pringles and had a boner, looks like that notion has been dashed tonight, thanks mcb So I was surfing MCB's B/S/T's surrounded by my autocockers and had a boner, looks like that notion has been dashed tonight, thanks mcb So I was gazing at the local livestock and had a boner, good idea, thanks MCB. I didn't have a boner coming into this thread, but I'm sure coming out of it with one now! That's one hawt brown cow! I didn't have a boner, but now I don't have a boner even more so." "I think we are being hit by a tsunami of stupidity." "[23:16] my butthole is like fort nox [23:16] filled with gold? [23:16] Filled with armed men?" "If you're not shooting, moving or talking, you shouldn't be on the field."-Tyler Michaud "I'm ashamed to be associated with so many people spouting so many overtly spiteful comments and patently false accusations. I am astonished that a group of people so intelligent, and so concerned with keeping this nation strong, would sink to such divisive means. The truth is our economy won't be destroyed, our rights stripped away and our way of life threatened, by Barack Obama - but by you and me. It is our irresponsible, unsustainable behavior which has driven this economic collapse, fueled the oil wars which threaten our security, and destroyed our environment. The blame rests squarely on our shoulders, as does the obligation to charge. Our leader, whoever that be, has only the opportunity to inspire that change; to motivate and to encourage us - We, the people - in order to form a more perfect union. But you, who would close your ears to new ideas, even when the old ones are clearly NOT working! You, who turn a blind eye to injustice because 'it's not your fault.' You, who cling to your liberties with no regard for the sacrifices they require. You, who would breed contempt and mistrust in a nation already so divided. You are the ones to fear. Me? I'm hopeful. I awoke today with a renewed sense of pride. Pride in a nation that overcame it's own history; in a people who once again found their voices, and raised them as one. Pride in this country, united once more. I wonder what life could be like in a country free from selfish, opportunistic Capitalism. I imagine a society in unity, working towards a common goal: A life of well-being, not well-having. A community of people who care for each other before themselves. Utopian perhaps. But we can dream, can't we? -oh, but that's Communism... sounds terrible huh..." "[23:49] firepro84: sandwich or cereal...hmm [23:49] talib.salaam: i had a saneshich from togos [23:50] talib.salaam: tonight was turkey it was good [23:50] firepro84: epic fail...? [23:50] firepro84: saneshich....? [23:50] icenoob48: lol [23:50] icenoob48: saneshich" "when your party looses, its easy to revert to a child like state and cry and moan about irrational things you cant control" "High speed internet: $22.00 Finding the marker you really want, asking price: $600 Necro posting because you can't take 1 second to notice the post date: Priceless For some things in life you need a brain, for everything else there's Mastercard." "Anon 1: what ya think about my new artwork? Anon 2: You must be really deep. Can we have sex so that I might better unravel the mysteries of your tender soul? Anon 1: Sure babe. Ill show you a different meaning to the word "deep" Anon 2: Nevermind, it sucks" "operating off the premise that god has all possible positive traits (a) perfect (g) personal (b) immutable (h) free (c) transcendent (i) all-loving (d) nonphysical (j) all-just (e) omniscient (k) all-merciful (f) omnipresent (l) the creator of the universe ... 1. If God exists, then he is perfect. 2. If God exists, then he is the creator of the universe. 3. If a being is perfect, then whatever he creates must be perfect. 4. But the universe is not perfect. 5. Therefore, it is impossible for a perfect being to be the creator of the universe (from 3 and 4). 6. Hence, it is impossible for God to exist (from 1, 2, and 5). ... 1. If God exists, then he is immutable. 2. If God exists, then he is omniscient. 3. An immutable being cannot know different things at different times. 4. To be omniscient, a being would need to know propositions about the past and future. 5. But what is past and what is future keep changing. 6. Thus, in order to know propositions about the past and future, a being would need to know different things at different times (from 5). over 9000. It follows that, to be omniscient, a being would need to know different things at different times (from 4 and 6). 8. Hence, it is impossible for an immutable being to be omniscient (from 3 and over 9000). 9. Therefore, it is impossible for God to exist (from 1, 2, and 8). ... 1. If God exists, then he is immutable. 2. If God exists, then he is all-loving. 3. An immutable being cannot be affected by events. 4. To be all-loving, it must be possible for a being to be affected by events. 5. Hence, it is impossible for an immutable being to be all-loving (from 3 and 4). 6. Therefore, it is impossible for God to exist (from 1, 2, and 5). ... 1. If God exists, then he is transcendent (i.e., outside space and time). 2. If God exists, then he is omnipresent. 3. To be transcendent, a being cannot exist anywhere in space. 4. To be omnipresent, a being must exist everywhere in space. 5. Hence, it is impossible for a transcendent being to be omnipresent (from 3 and 4). 6. Therefore, it is impossible for God to exist (from 1, 2, and 5)." "if we reduce the greatest thing we can imagine with: (1 + 2 + 3 + ...... + n) so god would be n, and by your definition anything you can imagine ABOVE n, would be a "new" god ? but it is a fact if you can imagine something, you can imagine something even bigger by simply adding something, like (n + 1 you will never get a hold of "god" because you constantly imagine something greater and that must be the new god, which instantly gets overruled by something even bigger. (god + 1 != god) in the end, if you think of the many gods as a sum of (n + n) you can take steps back and see where you land by putting the things away you just added to make "new, bigger" gods, ultimately we some day end up with this: n E : n - i, n = 0 i=1 therefore god does not exist" "You don't prove the existence of beings by hoping them into existence, or by saying they could exist, you have to provide evidence (in this case, as it is scientific in nature, scientific evidence)." "I think what you're trying to say is the OP is a faggot and made of fail." "Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is not malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?" "Not only did you apparently NOT keep an eye on it then you SUCKED WORSE and didnt even lock it up properly" "Himurax13: Wood has a way of tempting me" "hit em before the hair does!" "404 chest not found...however that may because she is like 12." "Shooping is the mouth version of Falcon Punch. Concentrate win in your mouth, then release. That's why Tacos reverse the Beam, because everyone knows Tacos are concentrated phail" "Paintball is a great sport to love. With love always comes joy and frustration. I have dedicated a lot of time and energy over the years to doing what I love and because I have many blessings of good people and opportunities, I have been able to give back to the sport that brings me happiness. But I have not done a good enough job. I created a place that I hoped would bring people together and renew the spirit of the game that I used to know. We gathered and we made positive steps but as a whole we continue to disrespect the game. Like I said before, the park is not about the turf, the bunkers, and the nets, it is about the people. When I first started playing, cheaters were well known and publicly scrutinized. Shooting hot was done with malicious intent. Today kids think cheating is part of the game. Shooting hot is a result of laziness, and disrespect to the well being of other people. There was a time that players and teams earned respect in paintball because they worked harder and had more desire to be the best. Now the majority seems to have a rather skewed perception of what paintball is all about. Paintball is sport, and sport is designed to test the individual on a set of guidelines that will produce the greatest challenger. With so many things wrong in the game today, it is my fault as a pioneer that we have come to this. It is my fault that I have stood by and watched the game deteriorate. Everything that we know about todays game, all the things that make the game frustrating, are a result of how the game is played on the field. I couldn't count how many people have stories of losing games and events due to poor reffing and teams cheating. Refs are inexperienced and taught poorly. This drives teams away from events in anger of a bad experience rather than feed their motivation to continue knowing that they lost because of their own faults or won because of their preparation. Promoters lose the growing business to allow them to expand and make the events what we all desire them to be. Then the sport loses because it is unable to reach its potential. Everyone must take responsibility to revive the true spirit of the sport and play it the way it is meant to be played. At the end of the day competitors should want to know that they win or lose fairly. This is the measure of self that defines individuals and allows people to grow in our sport and in life." "Vote Palpatine/Vader in '08 - Why settle for the lesser evil?" "the ultimate truth in paintball is that the interaction between the gun and the player is far and away the largest factor in accuracy, consistency, and reliability." "i wont destroy it! just make it more beautiful, create a more perfect marker in my own image. and i shall look upon it, and see that it is good. either that or ill screw it up and melt the damn thing down." "talib: it wouldn't work out, she is too needy icenoob48: I was in a relationship just like that, I traded it for an SL66" "using the Mac OS is like getting hit with a dick in between the eyes" "Remember...Not matter where you go...There you are." "Autococker - She's too high maintenance Shocker - She's a Gold-digger Angel - The Supermodel we kinda want, but not really Tippman - She's butch Automag - The cute girl in yer molecular biology class" "brix will be shat" "It's like War of the Worlds all over again. Did the pilot have his RAMMING SPEED face on?" "They're actually damn smart, you just can't see that in the five seconds it takes to headshot them all." "best name ever: Dr. Baron von Evilsatan" "It doesn't really matter when the new Halo game is fucking set. The important thing is that you're fighting the Covenant on Earth. If that's so and it doesn't branch off into some stupid Flood shit in meat halls with asshole doorways, it's setting itself up to being a good game." "Of course I've had mayonnaise sandwiches! It's called poverty asshole!" "asshat - A person, of either gender, whose behavior displays such ignorance/obnoxiousness that you would like to make them wear their own ass as a hat." "stop whining about everything.... play the game." "I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming. They don't know I'm only using blanks." "If punctuation was a person, it would take a taxi to your home, and kick you in the face." -Nick Alder "paintball is neither horse shoes nor hand grenades...almost bunkering someone still doesnt count..." "There is a reason Eclipse called them Egos. Egos are for guys that have big egos. Cockers however are for guys that have big...I'll tell you when you're older." "Rules: 741K leik th15 4nd 1 will 5h1p f1r5t lowballs will take it, that means IONS OFFER UP! flame away, i dont give a fuck. act like your lil bros age. ST attitudes are awesome and i will ship first no matter what" "A gun with 2 moving parts is complicated? How do you breathe?" "Staple Guns: because Duct Tape cant make that kaChunk noise." "Danny: The only Sean Mattews I know of is the famous one from Sean Matthews Band. Tim: isnt that the Dave Matthews band...? Danny: fail...yes it is" "I guess painting is cool... especially when you're using Draxxus and your canvas is the face of a 13 year old HKArmy kid...and your paintbrush is ramping..." "DUNKIN DONUTS: CREATING BACKPLAYERS ON A DAILY BASIS" "You might want to change some of the names to protect the......never mind, Mike knows what he did..." "Before you do anything keep in mind that the gun was in the posession of Scott Jones for at least 2 days...you have been warned." "I'd rather have a person with little money who knows what theyre doing (Jeff) than a person with loads of money who is a complete retard (Mike)" "As a pro wrestling fan, I'd be more upset. But seeing as my dinner tonight came from 7-11, I need to conserve my energy to keep my heart beating as necessary." "Monsterballs are actually classified as armor piercing rounds. I took out a T72 in Iraq back in 03' with a pod of Monsterballs." "Just remember: Cheap, Good, Fast - You can pick TWO (don't pick fast)." "The laws of physics do allow it - but they don't encourage it" "I do not aim with my eye, He who aims with his eye has forgotten the face of his father. I aim with my hand. I do not shoot with my hand, He who shoots with his hand has forgotten the face of his father. I shoot with my mind. I do not kill with my gun, He who kills with his gun has forgotten the face of his father. I kill with my heart." "The assembled hoards of Genghis Khan couldn't get through that door, and believe me they've tried! Now shut up a minute!" "In The Courts; The Place Of Rich Men, Lady Justice Is Blind. Out Here On The Streets That Bitch Has Eyes." "in the beginning we were all fish...ok? swimming around in the water. Then one day a couple of fish had a retard baby and the retard baby was different so it got to live. so retard fish goes on to make more retard babies. And then one day retard baby fish crawled out of the ocean with its mutant fish hands and it had butt sex with a squirrel and made retard frogsquirrel. And then that had a retard baby which was a monkeyfishfrog. And then the monkeyfishfrog had butt sex with that monkey and that monkey had a muntant retard baby that screwed another monkey and that made you. So there ya go. you're the retarded offspring of five monkeys having butt sex with a fishsquirrel. Congratulations!" "Here's Sulfur. For you Southern Baptists, its the brimstone of fire and brimstone. I always try to include some religion in this course." "Holy shit! it smells like fucking poverty in here!" "I don't pick favorites, I hate you all the same" "We run around with guns that are not toys playing a game of over elaborate tag." "You will soon realize paintball is a fashion show to most players. If you do not have "the right" markers, clothes, etc you are looked down upon. It is all very sad." "if we cant fix it, it aint broke" "You know what 15 bps means? It means you apparently can't hit Hellen Kellar with a rocket launcher." "Stock Class: Where You Use A Stick Feed, But Still Have More Balls" "Thats like saying 'While there are many peices of crap, this peice of crap is the best of the bunch'" "The Hardest Decision of the Game: One Shot, or One Case?" "Springs kits are the hardest way to take the easy way out, mostly used by those who cant figure out why air leaks down their barrel on thier sniper when they are using a reg off their semi that runs at 200 psi." "shoot, chop, die" "Jesus can walk on water but Chuck Norris can swim through land" "If The World's A Stage, I Want To Operate The Trap Door." "I speak my mind and I choose sides. I don't care what you think." "92 % of PBnation would be dead if Hostile Kids said breathing wasn't agg. If you're in the 8% that would celebrate the mass suicide of the fanboys, put this in your sig." "NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as: fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope, and nice red uniforms - Oh damn!" "I did gagoogity that woman. I gasmoigitied her gaflavity with my googus. And I am sorry." "HK is the American Eagle of paintball...only fags wear it" "SP FTMFL" "paintball is getting too technical, lets all go back to using pumps and automags!" "Yes I drive a Jetta, No i don't have a vagina.." "SP loves using cars for their guns dont they...Saturn Ion, Pontiac Vibe, Volkswagon Eos...not only are they patenting everything...they steal names as well" "Im 34, but in black years i am 68" "They spend all this money on lawsuits and come up with a collapsable pod? Nice work SP..." "Walk onto the field with 2 pods, walk off with 12..." "you dont own pods, you own the rights to them. Walk on the field with 5 walk off with 5. It doesnt matter what 5." "If ur a shocker owner who lubes their gun every day and still the shocker dont work put this in ur sig" "What is "agg?" It's an idiot-detector. As soon as you see someone use it to describe something or themselves, you know you've found yourself an idiot." "I do have a lower opinion of most that use AT but then again I think those that won't mix their veggies into their smashed taters and gravy should be ground up and mixed with other people that don't like veggies in their taters and then they should be fed to the people that walk cats on leashes who will be in prison for life. Slow painfull death to all those that don't eat their pizza crust but order breadsticks." "You fuckers are masturbating machines. "im bored" :beats it: "what should i do?" :beats off: "whats that noise?" :beats it cautiously:" "The early bird that hesitates gets wormed" "Konichiwa Bitches! "gtfo my internets!" "I mean...they're not stupid...they're just homos....smart homos..." "-2004-2005 The Great Melt Down of MCB. This causes wild speculation of the END of paintball as we knew it. Servers Crash... E-bay prices go wild... Great Confusion ensures as MCB moves to PBC... This is known as the Dark Ages... -Early 2007 --> MCB Declares itself as a "Cartel" as members manage to acquire HALF of ALL 2005 Grey Ghosts..." "I AM NINJA! Hear me.....never....." "Don't worry about the world ending today... It's already tomorrow in Australia. Unless you're in Australia... (then start worrying)" "I suck at pumping, I just can't get the pumping, then shooting, then pumping, im not that coordinated. It usually ends up like, pump, pump, shoot, pump, shoot, shoot, shoot, half pump, shoot, throw gun at wall, pump, shoot...." "The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'." "Emo losers getting laid? Is that even possible? Oh wait... This is hentai we're talking about... Everyone gets laid, by anything and everything." "Ah, it seems we are in a Mexican standoff... or as they say in Mexico; 'El Standoff'" "I only need three balls. The one in my chamber and the two down below." "layaway: if the money leaves in smaller incriments your conscience will never know its missing..." "nice. I would've done the same thing. Eye for an eye is too weak. Preferred saying is Eye for an eye + 10 more eyes and a mercedes" "troll troll troll your boat gently down the troll.. :dodgy:" "there are some things you just cant unsee." "Dont Want: EGOs/ETEKs (i do not care if it is an auroa sl-74 with thomas taylor's nut hair on it...)" "Don't be an iTard." "Heres a depressing thought: I've only been alive for 7,043 days. However, if you're pro-life I've been alive for about 7,343 days...Moral: Being pro-life means you live longer!" "...he just needs to go get his man pants on and deal with it!" "I see a blemish inside the backblock cocking rod countersink... it's trashed, you'll never sell it. I'll offer a pair of wool socks and maybe some paperclips and a used straw from a McDonalds milkshake that I had last week. Half a box of matches out of sympathy if you throw in a bag of mini marshmallows to sweeten the deal!" "Skyhighatrist: I hope you get it pregnant." "alex06: me too, then ill have two fleshlights." "We will fix it, or we'll fix it so that it will never be fixed again." "***Product contains neither ice nor cream. May contain trace elements of Mexican cheese. Do NOT consume." "Somewhere in my city is a little brown truck with Xmas in the back. May Velcor and the Tree God protect this little truck and speed it to my door." "Pump play is TWICE as fun and more rewarding than any other form of play" "He's kinda like Robin Hood. Although, Kevin is not stealing, and PPS is not evil. Other than that, just like Robin Hood!" "One day, before the apocalypse, the fall of paintball, we shall band together and fight the legion known as Smart Parts." "Everytime Smart parts sues someone, I get the idea that the apocalypse of paintball comes closer and in the final battle, we fight those creepo animated paintball robots from the Smart Parts Epiphany advertising video using our delicious Palmers Brass, Tippmanns and Mags and markers of companies that have contributed positively to paintball." "DONT BE GAY, BE MATURE!" "Why buy 1, when you can have 2 at twice the price!" "Save a rock...Throw a PMR" "Go to your happy place....if it's anything like my happy place, it has a chainsaw" "Ions: loved by thousands...hated by millions" "have you ever considered turning off the tv, sitting down with your children, and hitting them?" "Gun Whore, n. Pronunciation Key (gn), (hôr, hr): A person considered as having compromised principles for personal gain of weapons consisting of a metal tube from which a projectile is fired at high velocity into a relatively flat trajectory." "HK...more like HGay" "Gun is basically brand new and ready for you to shoot people in the face with." "Couldn't Satan have put those bones in the ground to confuse us? Does this mean satan is responsible for the world's oil supplies? Ha! This car is powered by SATAN!" "Pumps are like bug zappers for PBN kiddies" "If you can't eat it or fuck it, kill it..." - Peter Steele "So this baby seal walks into a club...the end" "That's the back up of the back up to the back up for the back up of the back up for the back up of my main gun..." "accessory because it makes your other guns feel better about themselves" "Sir...Custer was a pussy...you aint." "Man made god..." "your pretty too. in a just got into prison, this is not what it looks like kind of way." "And shepherds we shall be, for thee my Lord for thee, Power hath descended forth from thy hand, that our feet may swiftly carry out thy command, we shall flow a river forth to thee, and teeming with souls shall it ever be. In nomine patris, et filii, et spiritus sancti." "New bolt:$30, new barrel:$80, new trigger:$20, realizing your ion is worth absolutely nothing: priceless." "If no one ever ships first, what's the point?" "as your attorney, I advise you drive at top speed & it'll be a goddamn miracle if we get there before you turn into a wild animal" "WARNING: This website may contain sex, violence, sexual violence, violent sex, drug use, sexual drugs, violent drugs, sexual sex, and violent violence." "If the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off" "so this black kid dies, and goes to heaven...and god gives him a set of wings...so the black kid looks up at god and says "wow! does this mean i'm an angel now?" and god looks down and says "heh, silly nigger, its haloween, you're a bat!" "cocaine is gods way of telling you you make too much money" "...We didn't make CLOWN PORN, CLOWN PORN made us..." "based on actual battles that took place in japan" *giant crab appears....* "speedball, it's like 200 MPH whack-a-mole!" "Of course the gun makes the player, without the gun, a paintballer would just be a guy standing in the middle of a paintball field." "you're such a prick, and being nice when you say something pricky is even prickier..." "have you ever had a ball of lint turn into a clusterfuck?" "Being a team player involves respect, loyalty, open-mindedness, commitment, and a desire to better yourself and those around you. When some or all of these things are missing, it becomes impossible to be the best you can be." "dumb people + paintball = no." "how much...? billions and billions of emu's..." "Hmmm. Can't seem to hook up my PDA to my PGP." "Oh yeah, guns shoot things and crayola makes markers..." "yada yada yada....and oh yeah...and God..." "...I want a big dripping man sized member shoved in my throat..and oh yeah...must appreciate the bible" "Haters make baby Jesus cry." "it is an acquired taste...ya know, like anti-freeze" "STD is the innovation, ingenuity and integrity behind the original AKA that has risen up like a phoenix to continue the tradition." "Politically, Socially and Aerodynamically Incorrect" "I dont ramp...I shoot an Alien!" "What ain't no country I ever heard of.....They speak English in What?" "Battlesmurf: I <3 ur AnUz FirePro84: thats my boy..." "money in...paintballs out" "I'm waiting for someone to write the "mother of all virii" for OSX. Not because I hate apple machines, or the people who use them(that's another topic), but because Apple was stupid enough to say macs can't get a virus." "I like it, which means you will hate it, because you hate everything I like, except lasagna." "Stubborn as I am, I refused stiches and proceeded with Scotch tape." "Why buy 1, when you can have 2 at twice the price!" "If at first you don't succeed, you're obviously not Chuck Norris." "exerceo animus" "Palmerfarian" "That thing must eat 12g's like a fat kid eats twinkies." "People on nation know there shit and arent retarted." "My phone is just like that! excpt it doesnt have as many buttons...and it looks different..." "some guy: why are fat dancing people so funny? jwigum: because they keep jiggling after they stop purposefully moving jwigum: also, because it's so unexpected." "We kill Clones" "We didn't lose the Vietnam war! It was a tie! And they're grateful now, they have McDonalds!" "I never shake a baby, unless the recipe calls for it." "I dont think anythings gonna change anytime soon. Our society no longer cares about people if the money still flows in." "The moral of the story is: Sluts are cool (and popular!)...I like sluts." "If you dont want me to hump you with my eyes put some clothes on before you walk out of the house. This all being said I dont really support eye humping." "What's next? Low cut diapers?" "It's like girls these days are just screaming, "RAPE ME IN THE ANUS," and when you do they get all pissed off. Girls are weird." "So what if i'm a boy who likes to play with dolls. That does not make me Gay...It makes me God" "Don't be an iTard." "Be peaceful, be courteous, obey the law, respect everyone; but if someone puts his hand on you, send him to the cemetery." - Malcolm X "Stock Class - We're the Amish of Paintball." "I drank WHAT?" - Socrates "When he dove he didn't keep his barrel up, and therefore planted a shiny new Shocker Tree." "I grow weary of your sexually suggestive dancing, now bring me my ranch dressing hose." "We forgot charcoal fluid...pass the 151, tequilla, or rubbing alcohol." "The 10 Catmandments 1. I am the lord of the house. 2. Thou shalt have no other pets before me. 3. Thou shalt not ever ignore me. 4. I shall ignore thou when I feel like it. 5. Thou shalt be grateful that I even give thou the time of day. 6. Remember my food dish and keep it full. 7. Thou shalt spend most of thy money on toys and gifts for me. 8. Thou shalt always have thy lap ready for me to curl up in. 9. Thou shalt shower me with love and attention upon demand. 10. Above all, thou shalt do anything it takes to keep me happy." "One learns to itch where one can scratch." - Ernest Bramah "The major sin is the sin of being born." - Samuel Beckett "You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake." - Jeannette Rankin "To have died once is enough." - Virgil "Ninety percent of the time things turn out worse than you thought they would. The other ten percent of the time you had no right to expect that much." - Augustine "My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed." - Christopher Morley "If a guru falls in the forest with no one to hear him, was he really a guru at all?" - Strange de Jim "And ever has it been known that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation." - Kahlil Gibran "You're playing with that?" "Err, yeah. You're still playing with that?" "I can have ten shots in the air by the time you pump that thing." "I can aim." "My battery clips are better than any other battery clip because they have more surface area that connects to the battery than any other clip on the market! This results in farther flatter trajectory and don't even think about the ROF!!! I'm going to revolutionize the industry with the clip AND I've trademarked the use of a 9v battery" "if you've never seen an elephant ski...then you've never been on acid..." "I reject your reality and substitue my own." "Mongo only pawn... in game of life." "Good...Bad...I'm the guy with the gun." "The indiscriminate use of vulgar language is the linguistic crutch of the inarticulate...motherfucker." "what is it with you jews anyway...dontcha ever get tired of fighting city hall?" "I dig chicks who dig chicks." "Hitler was the first one to enforce a smoking ban on a population." "So what if my marker is old, I shot you didn't I? Paint through and old marker still hurts doesn't it?" "You could see their HUGE "units" in the ultra sound... Just like their daddy!" - Craig Palmer "Dude, we will mow bitches down, SNAP!" "I hope no one minds but I have no intention of facing this sober." "I asked if he wanted to get shot, his body language said 'yes...shoot me!'" "i know that the trigger makes ouchies fly outa the tube on the front of my gun" "Sex is like a card game. If you dont have a good partner, you better have a good hand." "A man goes to his Optometrist for a check up. The Dr looks at him and says "Sir, I think you need to stop masturbating." The Man says "Why, will I go blind?" To which the Dr replies "No, you are disturbing the other patients."" "Yes, I use a pump. Yes, I'm well aware it's a mech. Yes, it still probably outshoots whatever aggtastic gat you have." "You gas up the marker, put on the gloves, strap on the mask, and walk onto the field.. it doesn't matter that you failed a test, that your girlfriend broke up with you last nite, or that you got a ticket on the way there... your world is right for the next couple hours, this is your heaven on earth... live it... love it..." "The hat is vintage. If you wear it, you're retro. Unless you were made back then too, then you're vintage also." "it's not rape, it's sex you didn't know you wanted" "Battlesmurf: lol..now I have slesbian pics on my compy FirePro84: slesbians? FirePro84: sweedish lesbians?" "I fuck for recreation, Never Procreation!" "Thou Shalt Practice Engineering Sex * *Engineering Sex meaning sex in the shower, it's more economical time wise since you're doing two things at once, you save water, and you both get a shower!" "hello lamewads!" "Chris: did your dad really shoot himself in the nuts? Grant: uh...chris...why are you thinking about my dad's nuts...?" "F.U.V.M." "F.U.S.H." "Oooo, Look! A Button! *PUSH*" "Lovingly Deemed Inappropriate for Children since 1998." "Shoot 'em like a porn star!" "The correct question is, "Why don't I need another gun?"" "Dip me in Chocolate and throw me to the Lesbians." "I wish simply to be a decent person, yet I will always fear the retards" "I don't know if beer assists in troubleshooting server configuration issues, but you'd better believe I'm applying it heavily at this moment..." "now i remember why i hate looking at sale ads on PBN, all the crap that people put in their titles means JACK FUCKING SHIT" "impulse buy :-\ it was one of those "i have money...i want gun...oooo shiney gun..." moments" "Also as any participant in the OG division can attest, OG players are more likely to be fueled by beer, red meat, fried foods and the carcinogenic stick of their choosing than brocoli, sweet potatoes and such." - Mojj13z "Everything in Circ-Du Soleli is wet and french and gay and on fire..." "Revenge is a dish best served cold." "My gun is really slow in a fast sorta way..." "Ever wonder why there is braille on drive up bank tellers?" "jwigum: especially with a race, since those are break beak FirePro84: break beak...haha jwigum: beam jwigum: the B is close to the K...silence" "Brandon - pump guy Tim - angel guy Grant - pistol guy Dave - matrix guy Jeff - cocker guy Serge - pot guy Chris - gay guy" "Everyone knows the ion, its becoming the honda civic of the paintball world." "Spaghetti made with a recipie from Napoli...I knew a chick from Naples...she tasted good too!" - Glenn Palmer "Angel G7's...Just all sorts of retarded fast." "Since I've been here, they've been pretty not that good..." "Her crotch was like a bowl of Cap'n Crunch that's been in the closet for a week" "FirePro84: the A5 parts are pending...all of them HurtCow: No they're not. Fuck you. That's the part I need" "If it smokes, goes fast, makes a loud noise, or explodes I like it!!!" "watching porno takes away from valuable time I could be fucking somebody..." "The only purpose for a pistol is to fight your way back to the rifle you should have never laid down" "Elf sex is probobly alot like Vulcan style, only with bells..." "YEA! Carpe Deez Nutz! GOD I can't wait to quit this job!" - Dane Cook "Some people swear by Q-loaders, I've only met people that swear at them." - Brophog "On the first day, god created the earth, and then rested...on the second day, god created man, and then rested...on the third day, god created woman, and neither god nor man ever rested again......." "...but I'm ALMOST legal, why don't you want to talk to me?" "Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities: 1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose. 2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa (girlfriend) at the beginning of my Freshman year that, “it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,” and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct…leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting “Oh my God.” "me be just a bit not as dumb" "Pagans do it outside!" "why would you want to see a spool valve? Do you like big tanks and greasing o rings or something?" -Frazer Colley "two times two is not four. it is nine. actually, everything is nine except seventeen. seventeen is actually six." "People laugh at me because I play pump...then I shoot them and smile" "When life gives you lemons, you blow those lemons to bits with your lazer cannons!" "If someone was an assface, and they sucked a dudes dick, then essentially it would be a dude sucking a dudes dick and getting assfucked at the same time." - Grant Stephens "Enbaconate - To add or give bacon or bacon like properties to a object or substance." "25 misses a second and you still claim you marker is equipped with an Eye..." "Upgrading a timmy before shooting 10+ cases through it is like pouring salt on a $100 steak before tasting it" "give a girl a dick in her mouth, and she is fed for a day, teach her how to suck good dick, and her husband is happy for life" "From what I see "Agg" and "Leet" is just mearly fashion for paintball....in the real world they call it being "metro-sexual."-Apunkjunkie "In third world countries the cure for everything is to walk it off." "I'm not a pod bitch! I'm a pod capacity technician!" "Jerkface: Jerkface was born with a face made out of a jerk. Everyone hated him, so he killed them." "Dead Kittens: All the kittens wanted to do was love and be adorable. Instead they were all chopped up and set on fire." "Littering leads to vandalism leads to shoplifting leads to robbery leads to murder." "going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an accordion." "- Every drop of blood - - Every bitter tear - - Every bead of sweat - - I live for this -" "Katey Holmes is a nice respectable wholesome girl....and i'm going to see her boobs..." "Battlesmurf: you know...as I'm going through this porn, I wonder to myself...wtf do you need surround sound for in porno? much less 5.1 surround sound... FirePro84: well, if there happens to be an orgy scene in a multi tier open balcony household...you'll know where the moans are coming from..." "Seven times three threes plus the square root of thirty-six: Dinner For Two" "Gently Redistributing Karma at 300 F.P.S." "Gently Redustributing Karma one pump at a time" "There is no such thing as a woman with a bad memory...There is no such thing as a woman who won't hold a grudge...The only thing you can do is try and keep the woman you love busy so she won't have time to remind you of your shortcomings." "I usually stick my gun under their mask and ramp on their face for a few seconds to disorient them, then I proceed to tank whip them in the nuts repetitively until they pass out in the middle of the field so I can wear them on my back like a buffalo hide and sneak behind the rest of their team." "To find us you have to be smart, To catch us you have to be quick, To beat us, you have to be kidding" "She likes dick like I like popcorn..." "Firepro is correct......Firepro get's an A+ for sniper knowledge, especially about the coveted garage guns..." - Rexx Havokk "FirePro84: half...block...an angel.......WTF are you thinking warpedmephisto: exactly!" "Hajkowski: My wife's friend is a special ed teacher. He took his special ed kids on a field trip to an aquarium. Around noon they noticed that one of the kids was missing. An huge search ensued. For two hours they searched, then the kid just turned up, soaking wet but unwilling to explain his absence. He was sent home. Upon arriving, he ran directly into the bathroom and refused to come out or let anyone in. For over 20 minutes the standoff continued. And finally his mother bursts in to find him...holding a PENGUIN! Jumped into the tank and stuffed the little guy in his backpack." "my wife just caught me walking to the workshop with my blazer in one hand and my hacksaw in the other...I couldnt make out what she was screaming as she started to chase me, rolling pin in hand...something about 'spending $1000 and you think you're gonna cut it with a hacksaw...' or something like that...her voice trailed off as I got to the end of the street in a full sprint having dropped everything and taken off." "ya im broke, im broker than broke, im so broke my balogna aint got a first name." "I wanted to see exotic Vietnam, the jewel...of Southeast Asia. I uh...wanted to meet interesting and stimulating people of an ancient culture...and kill them. I wanted to be the first kid on my block to get a confirmed kill." - Full Metal Jacket "I will never forget this day...the day I came to Wei City and fought one million NVA gooks. I love the little commie bastards, I really do. These emeny grunts are as hard as slant eyed drill instructors. These are great days we're living bros...you're jolly green giants walking the earth...with guns. These people we wasted here today are the finest human beings we will ever know. After we rotate back to the world we're gonna miss not having anyone around who's worth shooting." - Full Metal Jacket "Vampires, Gargoyles, Warlocks..they're all the same...best when cooked well!" - VanHelsing "People dont watch porn for sex...they watch it for moustaches, guitar 'wah wah' riffs, and pizza guys!" "Angels only suck when you cant afford them." "If Dynasty breaks up the breakup will probably going to last like a hour just because half the team wanted to go to Taco Bell and the other half wanted Burger King" "How much paint could a warp feed feed if a warp feed could feed paint?" "If at first you don't succeed, remove all evidence that you ever tried." "They say you can't keep a good man down. Well, I must disagree - if you pay enough wrestlers to jump on him, you absolutely can keep a good man down." "Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity." G. Carlin "[T]he evidence also strongly suggests that neither Billy nor Adam could have invented what is claimed." "Integrity means doing what's right even when no one is looking" "Vegetables are what food eats..." "I am become death, squeegier of worlds." "I tinker...therefore i am..." "Want more range? Get Closer...Want more accuracy? Try aiming for once...Want more? Good luck...." "A higher pressure? That'll probably confuse the PBN kiddies." "To find us you have to be smart, To catch us you have to be quick, To beat us, you have to be kidding." "Airsoft is not Paintball and Paintball is not Airsoft.. Now back to our regularly scehduled Paintball disscussion." "I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day." ~Frank Sinatra "Congrats. You are now a '1337 haxz0r'. Add two inches to your e-penis." "Himurax13: Wow, I knew the camera added 20 pounds but geez, those pics really did make me look fat... JWigum: Consider your self lucky. Cameras make me look gay." "Tim: So, Jeff...where are we going...? Jeff: erh...uh...i du...um...beer?" "Keeping old school alive, one pump at a time." "Never had time for pump? *Waits for brain to register* AHHHHH BLASPHEMY!" "It all started the summer I worked at Borders Books, On a lunch break my manager dared me to see how much of a pocket dictionary I could fit in my mouth..." "Anyone who believes any of the contrary-to-physics hype of the average paintball company needs to finish high-school." "I just played Greg Hastings Tournoment Paintball now I cant wait for Glenn Palmers Ultimate Woodsball!" "If its palmers I want it!" "himurax13 is like a brass black hole" "OMGWTFBBQPWND!" "I hope I dont have any drugs in the ashtray..." "I'm going to have to call you out on your use of five banana riders. Three certainly, and four would be allowable. Five, however, just crosses a line. I'm going to have to deduct ten points from your score as a penalty. Game on!" "One day, ima get the longest, dumbest looking, most annoying gun i can find, and take it to a speedball tourney. just for the hell of it...I was thinking a Stingray 2 with the longest barrel I can find, plus a shroud to make that longer, plus the longest wood stock I could find to put it in....and then stand around and tell all the big eyed youngsters that it's a CamoSniper 2000, made in 1988 by Carl Hitchcock for the Hanging Participle team in Sat Cong Village. I don't know the limit of the effective range because I've never missed with it..." "Evil Ironman matrix w/ bad booboo geebees inside" "you were born a life support system for a penis, you will die a life support system for a penis, and you will tell a lot of lies because you are a life support system for a penis..." "15. mQ Valve cycles extremely fast. Faster than you can shoot. No, faster than even you can shoot. You, too. No, faster than that. Shut up, dude, you can not shoot that fast. And you do not have a hot tub at your mom's house." "Fill a glass tube w/ gasoline and light it on fire. What could go wrong? Of course it'll just glow all pretty, right?" "Blow Up doll supair, im gonna copywrite that, it would have to be fat chicks, sheep, and enrique englaciace dolls" - Mr.Bones "I swear yo, shorty be leanin on my last nerve..." "yo money...yo son...yo kid..." "It's a 106 miles to Chicago. We've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses." "Now aint that always the way, elevator music, a nigga in a kilt, and a chick with a nickel plated nine." - Formula 51 "Inhale-- What you don't do with cigar smoke." "Scars heal, glory fades And all we're left with are the memories made Pain hurts, but only for a minute Yeah life is short so go on and live it 'Cause the chicks dig it" "Hey! You look good with that Fancey Pink 1,500 dollar gun in the Dead Box!" "As paintball technology progresses ever onward, the stock class marker remains as the only indicator of a true lover of the sport. The Phantom is one of the best stock class markers out there, if not the best." "Earth first, we'll log the rest of the planets later" "BANG.. BANG.. Gulp Gulp" "Beware the man who has but one gun, for he probably knows how to use it." - Bandit "Mooooo *bang* *grind* *BBQ*" - JWigum "green says go, blood red stop, you gotta hit the bottom before you hit the top. So make the call which side you're on, back with the weak, or down with the strong." "I wasnt masturbating...I was just cleaning it and it went off!" "ass fruit" "scrambled platypus tail, platypus hot pocket, pocket platypus, scrambled platypus ass fruit hot pocket" "its smooth if you dont mind the taste..." - evil jim on Saki "Well, it's not a cocker. You have to shoot the gun that's in your hand and not rely on the muscle memory that worked on something else. First right, then rapid. It will come naturally, if you let it." - Glenn Palmer "President Bush, where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?" "The above message was filled with profanity and while I'm not above a few choice utterances myself, it's safe to say that this kind of thing won't get your project done quickly. To be completely accurate, out of 211 words an impressive 79 of which were not something I'd want my Mom to hear. Sprinkle that with a hefty serving of 733t sp33k and maybe you can see why I had to think long and hard to find a reason NOT to firebomb his parents for squirting out such an abomination." "Man! Autotriggers RUINED the game of paintball......" "what didn't hit you...didn't happen" "Your spray off the break is our days worth of paint" "just cuz a guy watches the power puff girls doesn't mean he can't start some s***" "I want something soo ungodly pimpin that all the people around poop down their legs when they see it." "No Gnomes here but I do think we have a population of Gremlins about." - Glenn Palmer on PPS employees "He's not "teasing". He knows his limitations and I don't think he want to argue with the yellow Flag Judge at PPS." "stock class...no batteries needed nor required...since 1983..." "Is it an addiction if you never admit to it?" "Custom does not mean slapping mass produced parts on a mass produced body and hoping it works." "Back in my day... we didn't have bottle orings. We had big flat disk for the thermo-valves and we liked it..." "Day of semi-auto paintball- $70 Day of stock class paintball- $20 Watching the look on the face of the semi-auto user when he slips in mud and gets lit up- Priceless" "Video games dont affect kids. I mean if pac man affected our generation as kids, we'd all run around a darkend room munching pills listening to to repetitive music. -Just a thought" "Any semi-auto marker, whether it be a well tuned mechanical or electronic can lay down a string of paint that no human can get through." "I don't Practice anymore; I'm Just good in a natural, vicious sort of way." "Please tell your boobs to quit staring at my eyeballs." "1-pump ball 2-find opponent 3-aim 4-one ball him in the face" "If you love something let it go. If it doesn't come back.. Hunt it down and kill it..." "A kind word and a gun will get you further than just a kind word." "Rules For A Gun Fight 1. Bring a gun. Preferably, bring at least two guns. Bring all of your friends who have guns. 2. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap-life is expensive. 3. Only hits count. The only thing worse then a miss is a slow miss. 4. If your shooting stance is good, you're probably not moving fast enough or using cover correctly. 5. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral and Diagonal movement are preferred.) 6. If you can choose what to bring to a gunfight, bring a long gun and a friend with a long gun. 7. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived. 8. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating, reloading, and running. 9. Accuracy is relative: most combat shooting standards will be dependent on "pucker factor" then the inherent accuracy of the gun. Use a gun that works EVERY TIME. "All skill is in vain when an Angel blows the powder from the flintlock of your musket." 10. Someday someone may kill you with your own gun, but they should have to beat you to death with it because it is empty. 11. Always cheat, always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose. 12. Have a plan. 13. Have a back-up plan, because the first one won't work. 14. Use cover or concealment as much as possible. 15. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours. 16. Don't drop your guard. 17. Always tactical load and threat scan 360 degrees. 18. Watch their hands. Hands kill. (In God we trust. Everyone else, keep your hands where I can see them.) 19. Decide to be aggressive ENOUGH, quickly ENOUGH. 20. The faster you finish the fight, the less shot you will get. 21. Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet. 22. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one. 23. Your number one option for personal security is a lifelong commitment to avoidance, deterrence, and de-escalation. 24. Do not attend a gun fight with a handgun, the caliber of which does not start with anything smaller then "4". 25. You can't miss fast enough to win." "when i'm dead and in my grave no more pussy will i crave and upon my headstone will be seen here lies a fucking machine!" "You sir have gunwhoreitis. It starts out as I'll just get this then its ooo a nice viking would be nice then it turns into a lost 10K." "In mother Russia Airbag bunkers you!" "Would I push her off my lap if at an event she just sat down... it wouldn't be with my hands, I'll tell you that much." "I've never been there, or done that, or even been in that state that year. Besides, he was stalking my friend's sister, and needed a wake up call. I would never dishcharge a firearm from a car I was driving, that's what passengers are for. He wasn't there either...IT WASN'T ME!!!!" - peter "its not weather you win or lose.....bla bla bla...eat my ass!" "You'd be surprised how mad [the shop owners] get when you beat someone with a stocked paintball gun...I swing my Kp2 like a warclub...bashing evil 15 year olds in the face." "Ronin22K9: I still love you tim even through all my jealousy" "firepro84...you should be a paintball historian!" "Ronin22K9: you're a nice guy even if you're an excessive gun whore" "Smart Parts supports Nazism, racial profiling, communism, prosecution of Tibetan monks, commercial whaling, gay bashing, the Brady Bill, vivisection, sexism, the RIAA, Al-Qaida, and the clubbing of baby seals." "its to hard to follow pumpers and take pictures...because we are so ninja like." "Angel 4's are for people trying to make up for shortcomings in the crotch" "Here's how you do it, since i'm in the schooling mood: 1. Never carry more then 40 rnds total out on the field. By doing this you are forcing yourself to 1, make everyshot count, and 2, brush up your bunkering skills when you run out 2. Make it atleast half way to the 50 on the break. By doing this, you are forcing the oponent to snap shoot or post; either case, pumpers should have the advantage. 3. Have no fear and show no fear. Most people are subconsiously afraid to get close because a 20 foot away ball going 280 fps is no fun. I've been playing for 7 years, and I'm used to it. Some people are still afraid, so they get jumpy and nervous. 4. Have fun. Like the saying goes, "Time flies when your having fun" and when time flies, it means games fly, and when games fly, so do the eleminations." "what good is a gun that shoots 20bps if you cant hit what your shooting at?" "Life is like a box of chocolates. I always get the shi**y coconut ones." "Whack... That didnt hurt... WHACK WHACK.. Hmmm WHACK WHACK WHACK.. Ok, I cant see. WHACK WHACK WHACK ....... HIT!" "Rules of Hype... #1-If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts. #2-If that doesn't work.....change the theory. #3-If you cannot convince them, confuse them. #4-A repetitious lie often becomes truth. #5-A pic is worth 1K sales,with a properly editted vid you can own the world." "Your marker fell off the roof and landed under a steamroller? Yeah, I can fix that..."-Doc Nickel "YOU CAN FIX ANYTHING ON A MATRIX WITH ORINGS, BATTERIES, AND LUBE!" "I saw you play at Tampa or Hunington Beach(don't remember which one) and you guyz BLOW (no offense)" "Moron--person whom takes their goggles off in the field." "I was thinking about Star Wars..and by that I mean the first three Lucas made, not those horrid new ones. Let's do a little plot review: - An orphan lives with his uncle in humble surroundings. Under the guide of a powerful old sage he discovers that he is destined for great things. He falls in with a patchwork group of highly skilled fighters with an impossibly great asperation...to defeat an ultimatly evil and powerful force that seeks to rule all of civilization. Along the way, our hero discovers that he must resist the allure of evil and power. Ultimatly, his mentor sacrifices his life for them...only to be reborn in a new form. Our heros win some battles along the way, but in the final chapter must face the full power of their enemies. Fortunatly, they get some help from an unlikely source. While they win the military battle, success is really achieved when the hero of the story achieves his own personal quest. - So, the question is this: Why didn't they just call it "Lord of the Rings in Space"? Go ahead, read the plot review over again and apply it." "What are some joys and struggles of your career...? The joys are when you make it work well...The struggles are when they want it to be a different color" "Oompa Loompa, Dumpity Dee You will learn well if you listen to me. - Get a pump gun, and some stock class gear. Play great paintball with the folks who care. - Movement, aiming and a thinking game will win you victory and a recognized name. - Without the electros or high rates feeds, Simple pump guns will take care of your needs." "the only bounce a shocker should have is when it hits the bottom of the trash can." "When I get home people 'll ask me, 'Hey Hoot, why do ya do it man? Why? Just some war junkie?' You know what I'll say? I won't say a goddamn word. Why? They won't understand, they won't understand why we do it. They won't understand that it's about the men next to you, and that's it. That's all it is." "its people like you that make people like me want to kill people like you" "There is no such thing as a stupid question, but there are a million inquisitive idiots." "A village in texas is missing it's idiot" "While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction and there's nothing you can do about it." "Id never thought Id see the day when Id call out on the field...Where's the pump player?!?! I need a lane closed out!!!" "Speedball, woods ball, who cares? It's paintball!!!!!" -Master Yoda "Who cares if its not pretty, its a paintball gun, not a prom date" -Christopher Cantrell "code: ------------------------ c:/dos c:/dos/run run/dos/run ------------------------" "think of smart parts like pop music... and an impulse is britney spears....mainstream advertising..." "Shmart Parts: hahahaha. Bringing paintball the deadliest technology known to man -- Lawyers." "Macs are like gay men. I don't hate them. I don't want to do any harm to them. I just wouldn't want to touch one." "normaly you would be cool being a noob.. but well your canadian.. " "I will admit, until I upgraded my spyder it shot like crap. If you had asked me back then I would have said it was the sweetest marker there was. But, it was crap. It's better now, I gave it medicine. It's called money." "Michael Jackson is to a preschool playground what Smart Parts is to paintball!!!" "While it is true that each gun has its own personality, and a gun's "voice" can tell me a lot about what is going on with it, I've yet to give a paintgun credit for rational thought or the ability to reason." -- Glenn Palmer "Certified" does not always mean the same as "Qualified". Have seen more than one "certified tech" that probably should not even be allowed to posess tools, let alone use them on a paintgun." - Glenn Palmer "The less paint I shoot, the more people I hit." - Glenn Palmer (12/14/94) "I love the smell of Bermuda grass in the morning.That smell! You know, that earthy smell. The whole field. Smell's like... like... VICTORY!" "Other people aren't filthy rich. Your filthy poor" "If my dog had thumbs, I'd put her to work too" - Craig Palmer "I hear the Angel 5, coming out soon, has a remote control firing system so you don't even have to go play! It has 6 wheels along the body and is run via remote control, even holds 1000 rounds. New features are Verizon picture phone with unlimited night and weekend minutes, GPS, Low Jack, and comes in chrome(which ads 5 BPS)! It has 300 useless firing modes, and the special X mode(unlocked by calling 1-900-ANGELRULES at $6.99/minute) that has the gun shoot itself. Also, every 3rd shot, built in speaker system shouts "CHECK HIM REF!" "Rockinfreakapotamus" "were all pump players and its good to see all the wonderful beautyful pumps...its like different ethinicity of women all so beautiful in there different ways" "SeX is the PENETRATION caused by TEMPTATION into a gurlz SEPARATION to increase the POPULATION into the next GENERATION, do you get my EXPLANATION or do u need a DEMONSTRATION?" "I remember days spent in a life in which nothing could shrink the time between tournaments. I remember kids becoming men on the side streets of America. And men becoming boys in parking lots and grass fields. I remember wanting to look closer. I wanted to see our story, because it is a story. It's more than 15 minutes running off the clock, its more than fields filled with inflatable bunkers and colorful jerseys and 200 team tournaments. One thing I do know is what we do changes every year and will continue to change. Nobody is sure what paintball is going to settle into and thats alright, because its the ability to know the people who you rotate around thats important, and to look at your friends, at your boys and remember when the time was yours. I watch the movment of all of these things, all these charecters and events coming in and out of my life, and I tell myself, take a deep breath hold it in, open your eyes, remember this, remember all of it." "It happens on a random Monday, coming back from an event, or late on a Sunday night right before you get on the plane and you're about to be frisked for the third time. You're driving, you're flying, you're sitting in a airport seat with boys from the team. You're drinking stale coffee trying to stay awake, you're explaining the fat welt on the side of your neck to a confused stranger or a best friend. You're running through the sidewalks of LAX trying to catch a plane. You're coming back to the other life, the one without paintball, where no one understands why you do it. You're tired. you're working off little sleep, the question creeps up and you try to ignore it. Why do I do this? Why the travel, why the losses and the missed work, the missed school, hours of practice, and the complaining girlfriend. Because the lure of living a paintball life is just too potent, and the products of the road and the travel are memories forever, and trips to strange lands with stranger people. At tournaments, it feels like, for once, you actually get to live as loud as you want. It's worth the sacrafices, it's worth all the bull****, because if you work hard enough a Sunday will roll around and you'll be in the huddle, screaming, with your hand in, one among ten playing for the world title, and suddenly, all those cliches you ever heard make sense, and you are defined. You say it to yourself and it means everything. I am a paintball player, and this moment, right here, is my life." "Paintball: The most fun you can have with out taking off your pants!" "FirePro84: whats $2000 CDN convert to US Hajkowski: $0.50" "You threw you're $1,400 dollar autococker on the ground? I hope that your definition of "ground" involves large quantities of Victorian silk garnishing a plush down featherbed pillow with a luscious cashmere quilt." -Ken Torlone "HOW MANY FREAKING TIMES A SECOND DO YOU NEED TO MISS ME!!!???" "Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in what oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelms. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe." "i call my angel "greenspan" because he is small and weasley and when he comes out to play interest rates go up and my net worth goes down." "Smart Parts suing for patents they don't deserve to own is like Microsoft asking you to pay for updates for an OS they can't fix" "The problem with the world is that the stupid are cocksure, and the intelligent are full of doubt" "I see dead batteries...they're everywhere..they don't even know they're dead" "PORK... its not just a noun, Its a verb!" "i think my drinking team has a paintball problem..." "A $75 solenoid will protect a 10 cent o-ring by blowing first." "dante: hey, remember how embarassing it was when we found out what 'fag' really meant? randall: YOURE a fag. [shove] dante: no! a fag is a cigarette! randall: YOURE a cigarette. [shove]" "Aloha backwards is Ahola and bottomline backwards is Hawaiian style?" "Yea I walk slowly through the valley of the shaddow of lazyness, I shall fear not exercise for thy tv and thy couch they comfort me" "This coming from someone who shoots a brick on a stick. Listen closely. That's the sound of the glass of your fancy, see-through home breaking." "Movie Idea: Neo and John Connor join forces to fight the war against the machines. After an intense rave/orgy, they make plans for the upcoming battle. At the same time, the Matrix and Skynet sign a multi-billion dollar merger, spelling certain doom for the human resistance. After an intense rave/orgy, the corporate giants start production on a new line of Arnold Agents and Smith-inators. Meanwhile, back at the X-Mansion, Professor X uses Cerebro to notify all the mutants in the world about the upcoming Mutant Rave-o-thon Celebration 2003. After much Kung Fu, car chases, and explosions, everyone dies and meets God, who turns out to be Jim Carrey. "Alllllrighty then," says God, flanked by a cadre of Charlie's Angels. "Let's get this party started." And Neo's like, "God, why are you speaking through your buttocks?" -T." "Angels arent the best because i own one, i own one cause they are the best." "If the river runs red, take the dirt road boys..." "Deny Everything Admit to Nothing Make Counter-Accusations" "If it ain't broke... it doesn't have enough features yet!" "Do it right, or don't bother." "whats the point of clean living when even the most healthy of us can be subject to diseases like cancer? Things that we dont have cures for or even know where come from excactly. We live in a society that every day we let loose materials that not only kill the earth but are killing us as well. The majority of those who die are not people who have done wrong or who knew the risks they were taking. But are people who are barly making it throught life happily. Teachers, bus boys, computer tecs, everyone, every day is being posined by products whose risks were deemed "acceptable" by corperations. But hey, what are a few thousand lives for the sake of a ceo's salary? As long as profits are up who cares right? tell that to the families who loose there fathers or too those families who barely make due are suddenly having to pay for expensive treatments to extend their loved ones life a few painfuil yet precious years. Fuck you." "Ridin this mutha till the wheels fall off" - Glenn Palmer "[QUOTE][I]Originally posted by meatball[/I] [B]$50 dollar gun $90 dollar palmer stabilizer moron behind the trigger priceless!! [/B][/QUOTE]" "the black ones are beter than colorful ones. people anno their gun to make it look better. if a gun is all black or mismatched color, all upgrades were for performance." "ANS will always suck, so far the only thing they have came out w/ that works is a T-Shirt, and thats itchy too." "Yes its a pump. Yes its accurate. No I'm not Nucking Futs you Bucking Fastard!!!" "always remember: if you bulid a man a fire you keep him warm for a day, but if you set a man on fire you keep him warm for the rest of his life." "be forewarned... Even a little knowledge of autococker components can easily lead to high outputs of cash and lower bank balances" "Oompa Loompa doompa-dee-doo I've got a perfect paintgun for you. Oompa Loompa doompa-dee-dee First buy a Blazer, then you'll buy three. What do you get with pneumatics out front? A finicky, overpriced, gun made of junk. Where are you at if your batteries go dead? Sitting on the sidelines with paint on your head. I dont like the look of it. Oompa Loompa doompa-dee-dah If you like service, the Palmer's go far. You will live in happiness too Like the Palmer Owners doompa-dee-do Doompa-dee-doo" "FirePro84: come take my trig final for me FirePro84: pleeeeeese Jackel411: Screw that man.. Im an art major math to me is addin 8.5 sales tax hehe" "If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?" "i hear vegitables scream...salad is murder." "FirePro84: one problem...the gen-x reg Gandhi85: well itd come off faster than a prom dress" "Brian Welch's "Autococker Haiku": "Did it work before? You screwed with it, didn't you? Got what you deserve." "why is Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia the Phobia for fear of long words." "Shooting at Newbs is like shooting fish in a barrel...hell its like shooting the barrel." "Excercise my dear friend, it will do wonders for your nut eating skills." "from my own pure geniouse..." "beacouse they make that neat noise when you pull the trigger then they make more neat noises when you let go of the trigger." "Medomalacuphobia- Fear of losing an erection." "quote: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Originally posted by FirePro84 now if you want to complain about some sucky stuff, complain about ANS cocker parts...those parts suck... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- How could I NOT put that in the sig, Best thing I've heard this year." "Reasons women don't date paintballers: We never have any money. We're always welted. We know you don't know the terminology, but we like to confuse you anyway. We never give our full attention to any one object at a time, we always want to upgrade. We think you'd look better with fade annodizing and black accessories. We're always really tired. Why women do date us? Cuz We have big barrels and like to shoot them off" "firepro got it right, cuz he isn't an idiot like you phatboy" "Originally posted by PBallCentral_Player If Jesus was a pie im sure he would be a Cherry Pie.... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- i'm sorry, i don't believe in cherry pie." "hey cockport..." "War is mankinds oldest contact sport!" "Two apples are baking in an oven. One apple turns to the other and says, "OH MY GOD! WE'RE BAKING IN AN OVEN!" The other apple turns and says, "OH MY GOD! A TALKING APPLE!" WAHAHAHAHA" ""my current mate is a dolphin who lives in the harbor of my resident city" Messed right the hell up" "Semi players like to shoot paint, pump players like to shoot people." "Originally posted by Dr.um Actually, I think a ricochette is a special kind of curved machete that they use in Australia for long range hedge trimming." "only people who suck get shot" "In certain trying circumstances, urgent circumstances, desperate circumstances, profanity furnishes a relief denied even to prayer." "seriously if you ever see him again beat him to an inch of his life, and then beat him an inch more." "See, I get money and then the speed gnomes in my angel are all like "Gimme gimme! Yar! :chomp chomp chmp: Good! :burp:" I can't remeber the last time I had a 20 that was in my wallet for more then a day or two. My *** would be rich if it weren't for paintball" "Originally posted by [TSS] Dake I want to invent a device for stabbing people in the face over the internet..." "I'm suprised girls don't have faster firinging rates than guys in paintball; you know; considering they use those two fingers for MORE than just the trigger." - TSS DAKE "It's not weather you win or lose, it's how much pain you inflict" "A bunker move is like a good porn scene, you got one player bent over, the incredable penatration and in some cases a great facial or as I call the $money$ shot. Ohh theres nothing better." "Think of the cocker as a sweet and wonderful, loving, faithful wife. You wouldn't give her up for anything, but sometimes she's a little more high maintenance than you'd like....The angel is like the mistress... as long as you never introduce the two, you'll always be a happy man." "My Balls are on ur face" "cheaters live longer" "Originally posted by automagsrule LOL, i read that but didn't see the j/k and seriously strated looking for a bad english forum and then came back to ask where it was and saw the j/k. I'm such a retard." "Don't s**t on woodsball just because you like paintballing at Mcdonald's Playland." "I've played woodsball with a PGP too damn fun and it really hones some of the "let's be sneaky" and "actually aim and shoot instead of spray" skills... way too many folks I play use thier paintgun like a wagner power sprayer..." "well, those are the ones who think bueaty is in the inside. Course to find the bueaty on them you need an excavation team." "if you read any forum you will see "my angel leaks" "my angel chops" "my angel summons deamons and ate my brother" "I hope the homeless guy pulls a knife on those kids. Not because what they are doing is morally wrong, but because people getting stabed by hobos is funny." "Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It's a shark riding on an elephant's back, just trampling and eating everything they see. " "It's true that every time you hear a bell, an angel gets its wings. But what they don't tell you is that every time you hear a mouse trap snap, and Angel gets set on fire." "now why would you want to shoot someone ten times? one time i was moving up the tapeline and i was on like there 30 and they had someone around the 50 witch i didnt know about so all he did was turn around and there i was sitting there with no cover and instead of one balling me he shot me about 6-7 times ....... so after the game i get in his face and he's like thats paintball get used to it so i punched him in the face and knocked him on his *** and said thats pissing me off get used to it" "'Twas the Night Before Christmas.... 'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house Not a creature was stirring, 'cept Johnny DeLouse He polished his gun and topped the agitator Waiting for Santa, who would be by later A cruel trick Santa played on last Christmas day When he left for poor Johnny, a lowly Stingray He'd worked through the summer at the local meat locker He saved up and bought a tricked out Autococker He waited for Santa in a tactical crouch His cammies matched perfectly his mother's new couch His red dot cast an eerie glow on the place As he waited for Santa to show his fat face When out on the roof there arose such a clatter That Johnny got ready for Santa to splatter He pulled down his Spectras and chambered a ball 'Cause Santa was here and was fixing to call Santa's no dummy, he's got intuition He came down the chimney with his own ammunition He wore an Intruder and sported a 'Mag A case of RP was tucked in his bag The volley that followed was more than just fair The paintballs collided in the middle of air Johnny dove for cover as Santa moved too The place would be wrecked before they were through When their hoppers were empty and the firing had quit Johnny wiped off his goggles, he couldn't see $hit Ol' Santa was crouching down on one knee And stacking the presents under the tree Johnny was aiming to shoot him some more When all of a sudden, his jaw hit the floor Santa ignored him, in his eye was a glisten He laid out for Johnny a nitrogen system He went up the chimney as quick as he'd come And left Johnny dripping paint, emotionally numb He'd ambushed Ol' Santa and was now feeling mean Santa had the last laugh, he left him to clean Johnny straightened the stockings and wiped up the paint He cleaned until morning, he thought he would faint Santa's an awesome player, he thought in his head As trudged to his room and fell in his bed Don't wait up for Santa on this Christmas eve That jolly old fat guy has a trick up his sleeve If you've revenge in your eye like Johnny DeLouse You'll only wind up bruised and cleaning the house ==================== …The Next Year 'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house Not a creature was stirring, 'cept Johnny Delouse He'd written to Santa a letter this year And asked for a rematch with stockguns, I hear He acquired a Carter and played stock a lot And became a believer of one kill with one shot Santa's up to the challenge, he thought afterall And he'd take out that fat man with just one well placed ball The rules would be simple, he promised no scam Only ten rounds of paint and a single twelve gram He promised old Santa he'd give him his best But just as in last year, loser cleans up the mess Now, Johnny's a year older and wiser, you see He perched himself outside and up in a tree Johnny's view of the roof was just perfect, I'd say He chambered a paintball and awaited his prey Johnny waited and waited and got cold and stiff If Santa had snubbed him, he'd really be miffed He almost gave up and went in to his bed When the sound of those sleighbells rang true in his head When the sleigh did approach from the north as to land Johnny beamed deep inside, it was just as he'd planned He checked on his marker he pulled out the plug He adjusted his facemask with one final tug Santa's sleigh did then land and ol' Johnny took aim He snapped off two quick shots and a third just the same His shots had been accurate, his aim was so true His target just sat there dripping in blue What Johnny marked was not Santa, you see And a ball outta nowhere felled John from his tree He gathered his senses and felt for the hit The ball had just bounced but it bruised his left tit Santa's tricked poor old Johnny not once but now twice But John still had seven shots when just one should suffice Now an old elf in red couldn't hide I'd surmise But Johnny knew well Santa had one more surprise He sprinted for cover near his father's old shed When he felt that old paintball smack into his head His hand came back gooey this lesson was hard Santa ambushed him this time from his own neighbor's yard In the wink of an eye the old man was gone And left Johnny splattered as the morning did dawn This year's duel with Santa has left this hope alive Maybe next year they'll tangle for three out of five" "PbGirl Its all about the cocker! 14-15 year old...My bf bought my cocker for me.. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Hellfire1342 should we ask why he felt compelled to do that? ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -(eXplosive)- -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Originally posted by Hellfire1342 should we ask why he felt compelled to do that? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- shes good in bed" "women think there so great cuz they can fake orgasms but on the other hand, men can fake whole relationships" "I don't want to play good cop/bad cop, I want to play good cop/bad cop with anti-depressant." "Being bunkered is like sex in prison. It happens unexpectedly and you make DAMN sure it doesn't happen again." "Sniping 101: Step 1 - get closer Step 2 - get closer Step 3 - a little closer Step 4 - I'm serious, just a tiny bit closer Step 5 - bunker the hell out of them" "There is no honour with out pie - shakespeare" - weebl "Bowl cuts ... can anyone say, "Gee mommy, thanks! I've always wanted to look like a walking penis!!!" ???" "WAM! One of them suddenly attacks the tall friend of mine. He flinches and moves back. I step in , block the way to my friend and give this thug a mean look. A look that screams "I MAKE PIZZAS FOR A LIVIN, B*TCH!" "Lawyers are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs." "Stupid people PISS ME OFF!" "According to a recent survey, men say that the first thing they notice about a woman are their eyes. And women say that the first thing they notice about men is that they're a bunch of liars." "I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and think, "Well, that's not going to happen." "Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?" "You actually expect me to hide behind a field of balloons?!?" "if you threw a bible at someone, while yelling jesus saves, hitting them in the head and they die......who's a hypocrite now???" "Remember, its only funny until somebody gets hurt...then its hilareous!" "wow just the thing I want some guy with a gun to watch me take a bath" "oh and, cool ducky-type-ish-tingy" "How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?" "In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world IS weird and people take Prozac to make it seem normal." "Doctors can be frustrating. You wait a month-and-a-half for an appointment, and he says, "I wish you'd have come to me sooner." "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe." "Reading increases knowledge Knowledge is power Power corrupts Corruption is crime CRIME DOESN’T PAY KEEP READING AND YOU WILL GO BROKE" "The longest place-name still in use is Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateaturipukakapikimaungahoronukupokaiwenuakitanatahu, a New Zealand hill. -CS "yea this one time i shot the ref right in the nuts" "Paintball is a game of fun until someone looses an eye, then it becomes a game of finding the eye." "never NEVER volunteer to ref a private game consisting of a "teen anger management camp"." "In paintball - there is theory and application. Somewhere between theory and application is where the bruising begins." "I'm an artist. Please don't wipe my work until you show it to the ref." "A well made barrel with paint that won't fit through it is as usless as a penis on a Back Steet Boy." "Jane: Hey babe, what are you thinking of? Joe: I'm thinking of having sex! Jane: Really? Me too! Joe: Wow, really? We were meant to be together!" "No Kids, No Job, No School, Lots of Toys....Life is good !!" "first of all.. expect lots of flames from people on this forum. serious questions tend to upset them and they start flinging whatever's handy, sometimes their feces or rotten fruit, but mostly immature comments." "If they play pump and have an auto trigger then they can practice by jerking off." "you can increas your ROF by pulling your trigger over and over... All you pump players wasted your time reading this cuz i dont know how to practise ROF with pumps." "Why did you shoot me like that , I mean...Honestly, I didn't mean what I said earlier." "When In doubt, Empty the Magazine (or hopper)." "HI! I have an autococker, it shoots round paintballs." "the next fad is not wearing pants. Pants just weigh you down anyway." "There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened." ""Dead Meat" is fairly redundant, once something is classified as meat, it rarely recovers." "Pain is weakness leaving the body." "Cats always land on their feet. Toast always lands butter side down. A cat with toast strapped to its back will hover above the ground in a state of quantum indecision." "Go for the bunker. Any questions?" "God made alcohol so the Irish wouldn't take over the world." "Be nice to everyone cause you never know who is a ninja!" "Bunkered - (v.) - when a player from the opposite team sneaks up on your fortified position and shoots you at point blank range because you SUCK." "A good friend will bail you out of jail, but your *best* friend will be the one sitting next to you saying "That was freaking awesome!" "One Death is a tragedy, One Million Deaths is a statistic (and a hectic match)" "You need only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape." "I'm a jelly bean fiend." "Dream as if you will live forever, live as if you will die tommorrow." "ive tried screwing the feed tube on my Works cocker..............ow!" "slaughter can be bad for your mental health. Always brush your brain twice a day" "Only Nintendo could make an epic story out of 2 fat Italian plumbers who wanted to screw a chick in a pink dress." "Come to the testie-fest and have a ball!" "Fear is for the enemy... fear and bullets!" "*Throughout this handbook, the term "thumb print" will be used to mean a thumbprint or finger print, if you have no thumbs. " "No poor bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making other bastards die for their country." "(Inferno) I will attack the Fuzor and the Traitor to our colony, drawing Optimus out. When he joins the battle, target him with all your fire power. understood? (Rampage) Hmmmm...Hardly a difficult concept is it? (Inferno) JUST FOLLOW MY ORDERS DRONE!" "support my team, wear my paint" "If we measured ROF in $/min instead of bps, more people would play stock." "Sirens flare. Lights flash! A little motorcade pulls up. Ground Zero pops out and decides to hand these guys asses to them on a plate." "I got up in a furious rage, and stabbed the fat beotch with the first thing I saw, as hard as I could" "10,000 batterd women in America. and im still eating mine plain." "Show me a good loser, and I'll show you a loser" "Don't touch me there...it feels funny..." "Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity." "Bill Gates' Social Security Number is 539-60-5125" "There's no shot like a head shot" "yeah David only had to sling one rock to kill Goliath, but Goliath wasin't slinging 10 rocks a sec back at him." "im just a straight white buddhist vegitarian lesbian fraternity boy traped in the body of a recovering transexual patent attorney with a masters degree in city planning and a bizarre sense of humor." "You read about all these terrorists, most of them came here legally, but they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10-15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster; you are two days late with a video and those people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration " "Dont try to compensate with that 21 inch boomstick" "there is no such thing as a stupid question, just stupid people." "Shoot someone! Shoot someone else! Grab the Flag! Shoot someone else!" "ooo... more devistation and ruthless killing!!!! Yay!" "Never argue with an idiot because you'll only stoop down to their level and then they'll beat you with their experience." "Porno Flashbangs..Ahhh a dream come true" "If you are MAD, you might find help, but I won´t help...my solution is always death!" "You know the adage, if at first you don't succeed, don't try defusing nuclear weapons." "Think big, be big...think small, be stupid" "No, I'm not a former CS whore. I still am!" "The gene pool could use some chlorine." "Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning." "Guns 'N Stuff...It's Fun!" "Winning isn't everything...It's the only thing." "I made it foolproof. They are making better fools!" "As I said before, I never repeat myself." "Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't." "ADOPT A n00b TODAY! Even n00bs need a good home..." "note to self, never let red mage make a plan...ever." "everyone knows dragons LOVE ketchup, tahts why they live so close to ketchup mines." "Damn right I'm good in bed. I can sleep for days." "That d00d is uber 1337 he dosent even need guns!" "When you move to slow you get shot by those who have to walk behind you." "When you move to slow the rest of your teammates get shot first :-)" "Ask not what your college can do for you, but who you can do at your college" "where there's skulls there's corpses, and where there's corpses there's big giant monster...thingies...like dragons, big ones, who breathe fire and spit acid, and dont want to be disturbed..." "Friends dont let friends drive rice..." "...mmmmm...hot mage on mage action..." "Mad Skillz dont make up for small dickz" "You know what they say, the corpse you find may be your own" "Mind you, it IS hard to speak with six inches of knife sticking out of your face...mostly its just gurgling...and bleeding..." "If you can read this...I just bunkered your ass." "May the Automotive Gods have mercy on their ricey souls!" "Some people look at jerky (quake, UT, etc...) and say why...i look at jerky and say...mmmmm...jerky..." - johnny bravo "Remember, the next time someone insultes you, it takes 54 muscles to frown, and only 3 to reach your arm up and smack them in the face." "Women may still be the anti-christ. but... well aw shucks." "EXPIRED: [100] muhahahahaha... i got dis b4 all ur asses. anywayz....da point ish...i like it. DATS ALL DAT MATTERZ Lynkx: [-] argh, my eyes fuck up when i read Ghetto." "The chances of anybody doing anything are inversely proportional to the number of other people who are in a position to do it instead." "Life was a game, They said I couldn't, So I did, I think I've won, Has the game ended?" "And my sunburn is peeling out faster than a Honda from a 7-11, so let's get this mutha back on track." "Team killers are the lowest of the low. Imagine something really crappy, then multiply that by 10, then imagine it had a baby with Satan, and then you'll have an idea of what a team killer is. I'm not talking like "oops sorry man didn't mean to shoot you" or "sorry d00d ill warn people next time I toss a grenade", OH NO NOT AT ALL!! I'm talking "hey buddy suck it long and hard" and "going to cry cause I'm a team killer? BOO HOO". These are the people that love their rockets and shotguns and just love sticking it to their own teammates." "you never want to fake a major organ failure to hijack an ambulance to a concert where you falsify medical documents and sneak into the trunk of your friend's car in a Spider-Man costume unless you're PREPARED" "STDs: Nature's Population Control" "When you're normal, it's just one good rational thought after another. But when you snap, the sky's the limit." "-= The best revenge comes with the rocket launcher =-" "...and I walked in...and there was my mom, sitting in a thong." "If by "kick" you mean "fondle", "caress" or "do dirty things to" then yes I would like to." "Remember, kids: An optimist may rarely be disappointed, but a pessimist is often pleasantly surprised!" "Free Pie! (The Pie is Also Evil)" "When you feel that Life is about to take a turn for the worse....Press F5" "My House, Your Ass!" "A witty saying proves nothing" "Have Xbox, Will Travel" "Ahh! All Hail the PC and its mighty power... may all those whom are rightous spit upon our lower console brethren!" "Making the world a better place through hatred, one goddamn moron at a time." "Stress - the condition brought about by having to resist the temptation to beat the living shit out of someone who richly deserves it." "No one should eat fur.......Eat around it." "My cockers in the shop and I want to play with it." "Got Balls?" "Make your balls happy, play with your cocker!" "Cant stay and chat I have places to go and people to do..." "Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws." "Anyone who isn't confused really doesn't understand the situation" "He who hesitates is a damned fool." "It is better to remain silent and thought a fool, then to speak up and remove all doubt." "Well done is better than well said." "I think it would be a good idea."- Mahatma Gandhi, when asked what he thought of Western civilization" "Just because I don't care doesn't meant I don't understand." "Just because you're smart does not mean that the other guy is stupid." "Everyone has a right to be stupid. Some just abuse the privilege." "Push to test." "Release to detonate." "If it weren't for electricity we'd all be playing videogames by candlelight" "On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key" "War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left." "I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally" "I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere." "If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive" "I would rather be a coward than brave because people hurt you when you are brave" "Not only is life a bitch, it has puppies" "One seventh of your life is spent on a Monday." "The trick to flying is to throw yourself at the ground and miss" "If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway." "If it works, tear it apart and find out why!" "In case of emergency, break glass. Scream. Bleed to death." "Was me beating you really Necessary?" "Winston Churchill was approached by the mistress of the party who told him that he was drunk, to which he replied: yes, but you're ugly and i'll be sober in the morning." "Eat right, exercise daily, live clean, die anyway." "gravity really sucks" "i'm a nobody...and since nobody is perfect...it must mean i'm perfect." "If at first you don't succeed, put it out for beta test." "Incoming fire has the right of way." "The problem with taking the easy way out is that the enemy has already mined it." "If your advance is going well, you are walking into an ambush." "There is nothing more satisfying than having someone take a shot at you, and miss." "The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire." "Teamwork is essential -- it gives them someone else to shoot at." "Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you." "If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization." "Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure." "Anything, when dropped, will always roll into the most least accessible corner..." "Anything that can go wrong will go wrong. Except when you want to prove this." "Mother nature is a bitch." "Murphy's Law of Copiers: The legibility of a copy is inversely proportional to its importance." "Murphy's Law of the Open Road: When there is a very long road upon which there is a one-way bridge placed at random, and there are only two cars on that road, it follows that: 1)the two cars are going in opposite directions, and 2) they will always meet at the bridge." "Murphy's Law of Thermodynamics: Things get worse under pressure." "Murphy's Constant: Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value." "Murphy's Philosophy?: Smile...tomorrow will be worse." Just how fast can a paintball gun cycle? We're about to find out. Just as an exercise in math and theory, a couple of noted Tinker's Guild regulars once sat down and worked out the following, over a day or two, and posted it to the Guild. I've made no changes other than formatting it to HTML, and correcting a few minor typos. The "mechanism" referred to, is a unique powered-loader design that is in development and at this writing, quickly approaching production. Get your calculator out, 'cause here we go.... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Curt, it would be extremely interesting to see what would ultimately be the limiting factor in ROF. And also get some hard data on the time it takes to feed the ball into the breech (currently I just know the maximum as its the time between the cycles.) I can certainly feed that fast no problem. The thing that I've never ascertained is exactly how long after my system feeds the ball into the breech before the next shot. Because I was using a mechanical system, I had to ensure the feed was significantly greater than the requirements to ensure no balls are chopped. But with your eye set up that is no longer a problem. If we start shooting at 30bps would the sensing time of the electronics become a factor? I'm pretty sure we if we hooked up, and could get an electronic gun equipped with an eye to shoot faster, then we could break all records. BTW, that's at just under 30bps... I can feed faster (my new prototype being built at the moment should be 25% better hehehe) In fact I can feed as fast as you want, just gets to the point where the paintballs can't take it anymore :), but hey actually since the gun would be firing the ball as soon as it made it to the breech (unlike the RT where there had to be a delay to prevent chopping) the crush factor that was causing me a problem may no longer be there... hmmm.... As to the board. I don't have an angel, just a BM2K for my electronics tinkering, I don't see why it should be any slower... If you are up for it I am. Where in the States are you? Or should I just send my gun over? The whole reason I ever made an RT shoot that fast in the first place was just to prove I could. It's certainly not something to ever let loose on a field... unless you are wearing full motorbike leathers and helmets... oops did I tell you we were planning a game like this... at 30bps you would need a generous paint sponsor too! manike -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The sensing time of the electronics/eye are not an issue. I have measured about 50ms between the time the bolt clears the eye and the next ball is presented, with air-assist that's more like 20ms. The eye rises/falls inside of 2 microseconds. That's roughly 10,000 times faster than it needs to be. And is enough time for the PIC to execute 50,000 instructions. (The entire program consists of... ~600 instructions.) I figure the rate would not become an issue to the electronics until..*crunch*crunch*crunch*... 5,000 bps. At which time I'd quintuple the clock to 20MHz and boost it to 25,000 bps. 25,000 bps is roughly 125 cases/sec. That translates to about $10,000 in paint. Remember this is all over the course of a single second. Lets say A case of paint weighs roughly 16 lbs. I don't actually know, but that seems a reasonable guess. Such a gun would be firing a TON of paint per second. Lets tare off the cardboard and let it cycle for a few more seconds and say that you would be firing a Buick's worth of paint while bunkering someone. Ouch. In order to deliver this many paintballs, assuming each is .68" in diameter, they would need to enter the breech at approximately 965 miles per hour. That's well in excess of Mach I (at sea level) and quite above 300fps. Actually this would be quite a challenge to design a paintball gun that would slow down the ball sufficiently from a supersonic loader to be safe. I'd do the air requirements, but inital pass at the math shows that you might be able to light off a stick of dynamite and soak off the resulting pressure before it did any damage. And would require a very fast trigger finger. -Curt -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It all depends on the locations of the sensor you are using in relation to the breech and the bolt. I'm guessing that the eye detects a ball when it is pretty much fully into the breech? Or does it detect it at a point where it is just far enough in to prevent a chop? (These are different locations, but a mm or so doesn't make that much difference to the basic calculation.) Anyway assuming the ball is all the way in and that the bolt is halfway retracted when it clears the sensor (if it is further back than this then the ball has chance to drop before the sensor detects the bolt has cleared and it may screw up my calculations a little, but what it detracts in terms of how long the ball takes to drop in, it adds to the cycle time anyway so it may not matter...) from my quick mechanical calculations... The acceleration of the ball into the breech is 13.84m/s/s with a 50ms interval and 865m/s/s with a 20ms interval. The first rate makes me think that the sensor is closer to the back of the breech than the centre point looking down the feed stub. If it was exactly centre then we should have got a figure much closer to 9.8m/s/s This should give rates of fire (assuming cycle time to be 21ms for an RT, what is it that you get for an Angel in terms of how long from when the bolt covers the eye to uncovering the eye when dry firing?) of 14.2bps and 25 respectively. When we were shooting the RT at 26bps we calculated the cost to be 0.05$X26X60=78$ per minute... when we were shooting perfect circle balls (rough cost guess 0.25$) it would be $390 per minute or $6.5 per second. And that we were actually doing. I worked out the paintballs were required to travel at a rate that would have been approx 60bps if they were not feeding into a gun and that means they had to feed within a 16.6ms maximum which works out as an acceleration of 1245.6m/s/s. this means at the point where the hit the bottom face of the breech they are travelling at 21m/s, or approx 70fps. hey I could shoot people with my loader... Now I could in theory feed 25,000 bps but the mechanism would be 1790 metres wide... just over a mile so I think you'd need a pretty big back pack Curt to make it portable enough for you to carry around... Oh yeah I love technical, haven't done much maths since my discussions with Miscreant a long time back! manike -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If we are only feeding 5000bps (lol) then the mechanism is 360 metres wide so I guess the limiting factor is how strong you are and if there would be any bunkers big enough to hide behind. ... Hehehe just checking my figures and I made a mistake on mechanism size... for 25,000bps it would be 384 metres wide, and for 5000 it would be 180 metres wide... hey miniaturisation already, anyone wanna try carrying that? manike -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I just got back from McDonalds and was thinking about this the whole way. A 9V will run the Defiant with my board for.. perhaps 5000 shots. Maybe less. But lets say that's right. This means that the afore-mentioned mythical paintball gun firing at 25,000 bps would require 5 battery-changes per second. Even with a lever-changer thats quite a tall order. Since many of the parts inside the gun would need to cycle at supersonic speeds, the shockwaves produced by the various surfaces would cause a lot of stress on the frame, most of the moving parts would need to be made of a strong, light metal. A good Titanium alloy springs to mind, but Magnesium might work better if you kept it well lubricated. This gun would be loud, since the loader and moving parts would all be supersonic, it would not be hard to pinpoint the location of the person using it, we could call it the 'Thunderclap 2000' or something. Now lets talk recoil. Since all of the moving parts inside the marker are cyclic, and vibration issues aside, a ton of paint per second flying out means you have to exert a ton of recoil, its an integral over the second, with a bunch of impulse forces.. lesse.. if I remember my diff eq's properly you would need to excert a conitnuous force of 785 lbs on the gun. So brace yourself. It is likely that most of the parts of the gun, including the barrel, would need to be liquid-cooled. Back to the issue of gas. Lets say this hypothetical paintball gun is very efficient. 800 shots on a 68cc 3000 psi tank. PV=nRT, holding nRT constant (a bad assumption, T will plummet.) Taking: P1 V1 = P2 V2 and 1 atmosphere = 14.7psi Our 68cui tank pressurized to 3000 therefore represents 13,877 cubic inches of air. This would suggest that roughly 1/800th of that is required to fire a paintball, so 17cui of air (at normal sea-level pressure) to fire a paintball. Okay back to our gun then. At 25,000 bps it would require 250 cubic feet of air, pressurized to, lets say 400psi. Unless you had some industrial compressors ganged together you would experience a bit of shootdown. But thats okay! Since the Rate of fire dictates a faster muzzle velocity than is allowed (the balls simply cannot exit quickly enough at 300fps) you would have a fountain gushing forth from this gun, thick with literally tons of paint and shell and what have you, making an impenetrable wall in front of you that you could walk behind and not be hit from any enemy paintballs. -Curt -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Using some real rough figures and assumptions cos I hate calculus... 300fps is about 94m/s... and since a ball would have to travel at least it's own diamter before the next ball could be fired... that equates to a rof of 1734 balls per second... and a feed mechanism of 6.2 meters wide... hmm getting towards the constructible. Now taking that the ball really should be allowed to exit the barrel before the next one is fired, and this will also allow for a amount of time for the bolt to cycle. Using a 12" barrel... a ball travelling at 300fps will take 0.0032 seconds to exit the barrel (yeah I know I'm assuming it is travelling at 300fps for the whole barrel length) so lets round it up to an even 0.005 seconds considering it is accelerating from rest to 300fps. Now while the ball has been travelling down the barrel you have reloaded the next one so it can fire as soon as the first exits. This gives you a rof of 200bps. Doesn't sound that much anymore does it? lol! Now this would mean my mechanism would have to 1.4 metres wide... hey we could mount that on a 4X4 for big games! Now the problem is getting a marker that would cycle fast enough... Doc? Hehehe and then an air system to feed it with enough air. We'd want the bolt to cycle as fast as possible to give as long as possible between each shot to feed (has always been a problem for me as feeding rate requirements go up exponetially with ROF due to a fixed cycle time) manike